The time has come. I am finally a parent at Christmas. Now I have to answer the ever important question: how much stuff should I buy my child for Christmas?
When I was growing up, we always had lots of presents, but they were mostly small--socks, pajamas, etc. We would get a couple medium presents, and maybe one big one. We never got the kinds of things I see my students getting now: Ipods, PSPs, etc. My parents found a way to make the holidays special on a budget, without spoiling us.
One thing my mom really focused on was talking about the wanting. Wanting is what makes life exciting, what motivates me to work hard and to behave. Anticipation and desire are among the most important and fun feelings around. When I was little, I actually felt sad in my heart for the spoiled rich kids who had nothing left to want because they were given everything they could ask for. I was so grateful to be regular, in a family on a budget.
As a parent, I want to recreate the values my parents instilled in me. However, I also have the American Desire tendencies--I want my child to have everything I never had. My first instinct is to buy everything I see. So far, I have gotten a keyboard, a basketball, 3 pajama outfits, 4 onsies, a foam floor mat puzzle, and a stuffed pony. I also plan to get him some socks and shoes. Now, most of these things are items he needs, or that I want him to have. Plus, he's too young to understand what all he gets. But I worry about setting a precedent.
I have heard from other families that they have a system for gift giving. For example, they might give three gifts per child, because that is how many Baby Jesus got. I like that idea, but I am not sure I am ready to let go of the vision of a Christmas tree surrounded by mounds and mounds of presents.
Ideas? Suggestions?
29.11.07
25.11.07
Sick Kids
I have had to deal with sick kids before, but never my own. It is very difficult. My son has been fighting all sorts of sickness in the last couple of weeks: stomach flu, a cold, pink eye, a double ear infection, and an allergic reaction to a medicine. Fortunately for everyone, he is a cheerful kid and has not been too fussy. But that leads to problems, too.
My main concern is that I don't know when he is in pain. He is too young to comunicate clearly, so I have to watch for signs. But he's so cheery all the time, I don't know if that means he is really doing fine. He is covered head to toe with a red rash. The doctor said it is a reaction to the ear infection medicine, but it looks like chicken pox. I believe the doctor, but I have this instinct to assume he is itchy. I am sure he isn't, but I can't let go of the idea of itchyness.
Meanwhile, I am fighting what is probably the worst cold I've ever had. If he is feeling the same as I am, he must be miserable. But if he were miserable, wouldn't he let me know somehow?
I know I am not nearly done dealing with sick kids in my life. But I am looking forward to my son having enough communication skills to let me know what's wrong with him.
My main concern is that I don't know when he is in pain. He is too young to comunicate clearly, so I have to watch for signs. But he's so cheery all the time, I don't know if that means he is really doing fine. He is covered head to toe with a red rash. The doctor said it is a reaction to the ear infection medicine, but it looks like chicken pox. I believe the doctor, but I have this instinct to assume he is itchy. I am sure he isn't, but I can't let go of the idea of itchyness.
Meanwhile, I am fighting what is probably the worst cold I've ever had. If he is feeling the same as I am, he must be miserable. But if he were miserable, wouldn't he let me know somehow?
I know I am not nearly done dealing with sick kids in my life. But I am looking forward to my son having enough communication skills to let me know what's wrong with him.
20.11.07
Vegetarian Gripes, Part 1
I figured that it would be a challenge to raise a vegetarian kid. I figured that at some point, Fox would go to a friend's house, and the friend's parents would forget and feed him meat. I assumed I would face challenges like that. But I didn't think it would happen so soon.
My son is 10 months old. Today, at daycare, someone fed him a cheeseburger. When my husband first told me, I was shocked. How could that even happen? I made it clear through communications with his teachers, both orally and in writing, that Fox is not to eat meat. I suppose with the holiday things are out of sorts, because someone who isn't normally in the infant room was the one in charge of him, and she didn't know. She felt bad.
Well, she should feel bad. What if Fox had an allergy? What if we had a religious stance that forbade eating beef? What if, what if. This is a big deal to me. Our family has made a conscious decision to be vegetarian, and it is something we take very seriously. It seems so irresponsible to me to be so careless as to disregard the wishes and practices of a family. Not everyone in the world is vegetarian, I know that. But I think every family has certain views on how things should be done. Some parents spank, while others are against that. Some let their babies cry it out, while others rock them to sleep each night. Some feed them meat, others don't. How difficult can it be to be mindful and respectful of what we feel is right? We do pay 215$ a week for three days of care. Is it too much to ask?
My son is 10 months old. Today, at daycare, someone fed him a cheeseburger. When my husband first told me, I was shocked. How could that even happen? I made it clear through communications with his teachers, both orally and in writing, that Fox is not to eat meat. I suppose with the holiday things are out of sorts, because someone who isn't normally in the infant room was the one in charge of him, and she didn't know. She felt bad.
Well, she should feel bad. What if Fox had an allergy? What if we had a religious stance that forbade eating beef? What if, what if. This is a big deal to me. Our family has made a conscious decision to be vegetarian, and it is something we take very seriously. It seems so irresponsible to me to be so careless as to disregard the wishes and practices of a family. Not everyone in the world is vegetarian, I know that. But I think every family has certain views on how things should be done. Some parents spank, while others are against that. Some let their babies cry it out, while others rock them to sleep each night. Some feed them meat, others don't. How difficult can it be to be mindful and respectful of what we feel is right? We do pay 215$ a week for three days of care. Is it too much to ask?
30.10.07
On the Clock
If a doctor saw someone get hit by a car, would you expect her to go help the victim? Me too. And so, as a teacher, I scold kids, even if they aren't my students. It's my duty.
If we want our children to be happy, safe, well-rounded people, adults must be supportive of and responsible to/for all young ones. But sometimes I wonder if I am going too far. I take charge of kids over whom I have no dominion. And I think it is going to get me in trouble someday.
The first time someone pointed this habit out to me was at a youth basketball tournement. It was in Sauk Centre, two hours away from where I live and work. A couple young, unsupervised kids were throwing a bouncy ball against a window. Of course, I asked them to stop and put the ball away, because they could break the window. It seemed like the normal reaction. If a kids was doing that at my school, I would have reacted that way. But PV acted like I was a crazy person.
The second time this happened was in our neighborhood. PV and I were walking with our baby when he was a few months old. Some boys (brothers, I think, around 8 and 10) walked past us. PV said hi, which offended them (we are strangers, after all). But after we had walked past, I noticed rocks flying in our general direction. I turned around and scolded the boys, telling them they needed to go home NOW. As we walked away, PV again acted like I was a crazy person. I still say I did the right thing.
Then yesterday, I saw two boys (maybe around 5th grade) beating up a chubby boy with glasses near my school (not our students). I broke it up and proceded to yell at the two boys. Seriously, I was scary. Those of you who know me would not have recognized me. I feel strongly that I did the right thing, and I don't think anyone would argue against me--there was a kid getting beat up, after all! But I can imagine some parents being upset. Who I am to intervene? Who am I to yell at their kids? If the boys had said, "You're not the boss of us! We don't have to listen to you!" what could I have said? But still.
I plan to continue doing what I think is right, even if I don't have jurisdiction, because that is what people should do. But I am fully expecting to get an earful one of these days.
If we want our children to be happy, safe, well-rounded people, adults must be supportive of and responsible to/for all young ones. But sometimes I wonder if I am going too far. I take charge of kids over whom I have no dominion. And I think it is going to get me in trouble someday.
The first time someone pointed this habit out to me was at a youth basketball tournement. It was in Sauk Centre, two hours away from where I live and work. A couple young, unsupervised kids were throwing a bouncy ball against a window. Of course, I asked them to stop and put the ball away, because they could break the window. It seemed like the normal reaction. If a kids was doing that at my school, I would have reacted that way. But PV acted like I was a crazy person.
The second time this happened was in our neighborhood. PV and I were walking with our baby when he was a few months old. Some boys (brothers, I think, around 8 and 10) walked past us. PV said hi, which offended them (we are strangers, after all). But after we had walked past, I noticed rocks flying in our general direction. I turned around and scolded the boys, telling them they needed to go home NOW. As we walked away, PV again acted like I was a crazy person. I still say I did the right thing.
Then yesterday, I saw two boys (maybe around 5th grade) beating up a chubby boy with glasses near my school (not our students). I broke it up and proceded to yell at the two boys. Seriously, I was scary. Those of you who know me would not have recognized me. I feel strongly that I did the right thing, and I don't think anyone would argue against me--there was a kid getting beat up, after all! But I can imagine some parents being upset. Who I am to intervene? Who am I to yell at their kids? If the boys had said, "You're not the boss of us! We don't have to listen to you!" what could I have said? But still.
I plan to continue doing what I think is right, even if I don't have jurisdiction, because that is what people should do. But I am fully expecting to get an earful one of these days.
23.10.07
Trick or Treat!
For those of you who know me, you may have heard this tirade before. I apologize for any repetition.
Most people have an idea of what age people should be to go trick or treating. Little kids are fine. 10 year olds are okay. High schoolers? They are too old.
I disagree. Why should teenagers be left out of the fun experiences of life, like trick or treating? Halloween is a really exciting time for kids, and it only comes once a year. For many teens, participating in the festivities is a way to hang onto childhood just a bit longer. Life may be full of romance problems, chores, arguing with parents, peer pressure, understanding sexuality, getting a job, and feeling numerous conflicting emotions. But on one day, you can dress up like a ninja, giggle with your friends, and eat a bunch of free candy. How great is that?
And what would be the alternative? I know I am bordering on 'old,' but I doubt the world has changed super-drastically since I was a teenager. And I remember what we were doing when we weren't trick or treating. Believe me, its much better for society as a whole to have teens begging candy rather than getting wasted and egging houses.
As a high school teacher, I see that the world treats teens poorly. They are displaced. They don't fit into the adult world, nor are they children. As if they don't have enough stress, they have to face the fact that they don't quite belong. The last thing they need to hear is a snide comment like "Aren't you a little old for this?" Maybe they are. But they don't need to be told. Just give them candy, wish them a happy day, and let them remain innocent and youthful one day longer.
Most people have an idea of what age people should be to go trick or treating. Little kids are fine. 10 year olds are okay. High schoolers? They are too old.
I disagree. Why should teenagers be left out of the fun experiences of life, like trick or treating? Halloween is a really exciting time for kids, and it only comes once a year. For many teens, participating in the festivities is a way to hang onto childhood just a bit longer. Life may be full of romance problems, chores, arguing with parents, peer pressure, understanding sexuality, getting a job, and feeling numerous conflicting emotions. But on one day, you can dress up like a ninja, giggle with your friends, and eat a bunch of free candy. How great is that?
And what would be the alternative? I know I am bordering on 'old,' but I doubt the world has changed super-drastically since I was a teenager. And I remember what we were doing when we weren't trick or treating. Believe me, its much better for society as a whole to have teens begging candy rather than getting wasted and egging houses.
As a high school teacher, I see that the world treats teens poorly. They are displaced. They don't fit into the adult world, nor are they children. As if they don't have enough stress, they have to face the fact that they don't quite belong. The last thing they need to hear is a snide comment like "Aren't you a little old for this?" Maybe they are. But they don't need to be told. Just give them candy, wish them a happy day, and let them remain innocent and youthful one day longer.
9.10.07
Fatherhood and Masculinity
(this is Pacifist Viking)
This week's Time magazine has an article by Lisa Takeuchi Cullen and Lev Grossman called "Fatherhood 2.0," discussing stay-at-home dads, changing expectations of modern fatherhood, and how definitions of masculinity are being changed. Read it if you are so inclined, but two things struck me while reading this article.
First, it feels like an article that was written 20 years ago, today! If you're a father, you're going feel like the article describes the life you take for granted as if it's something new.
Second, I'm just exhausted by by rigid social perceptions and expectations of gender roles. I feel consciously aware of such business, and I actively attempt to analyze and move beyond these stereotypes, but more and more I'm required to recognize that for most, conventional definitions of feminine and masculine behavior are still quite strong.
This week's Time magazine has an article by Lisa Takeuchi Cullen and Lev Grossman called "Fatherhood 2.0," discussing stay-at-home dads, changing expectations of modern fatherhood, and how definitions of masculinity are being changed. Read it if you are so inclined, but two things struck me while reading this article.
First, it feels like an article that was written 20 years ago, today! If you're a father, you're going feel like the article describes the life you take for granted as if it's something new.
Second, I'm just exhausted by by rigid social perceptions and expectations of gender roles. I feel consciously aware of such business, and I actively attempt to analyze and move beyond these stereotypes, but more and more I'm required to recognize that for most, conventional definitions of feminine and masculine behavior are still quite strong.
4.10.07
Pampers
I learned something interesting this week. If you use Pampers, you can join an online thing and earn points toward toys and books. If you are going to buy diapers anyway, why not buys some that give something back? Also, the last two bags of diapers I bought came with coupons for 1.50$ off. I'm sold.
2.9.07
Skol Vikings!
PV and I now are season ticket holders to the Vikings. This is very exciting to both of us, but the timing is sort of messed up. I haven't been to a game in a couple years, and now I would be able to go to 8 of them, except for one thing: I have a baby. I don't especially feel like working full time and taking 6 hours out of my weekend to leave him with a babysitter.
So, this stinks. If I go to the games, I'll feel bad. If I don't go, I'll feel cheated. What to do? How about this: can I take the baby with me?
Right now, he is 7 1/2 months. He's pretty easygoing. He doesn't fuss or cry much. He likes bright lights and stuff. He wouldn't need a ticket. Sounds good so far.
Our concern is the noise. Every year (every game?) the announcers talk about how visiting teams hate to play in the Metrodome because the noise is outrageous. Maybe all teams say that about their stadiums, I don't know. But I have been there, and it is VERY loud to me. I know lots of people bring babies to Twins games (I have heard, at least), but that is baseball. The game itself is more relaxed and quiet, the fans are a different sort of crowd, and the games rarely sell out, so there are fewer voices to add to the chaos. Football is a whole different world.
PV and I took the baby to a wedding in June, and it was pretty loud (much quieter than a Vikings game, though). We ended up leaving early because he was so upset. However, that was at like 10 at night, and his normal bedtime is 7:00-ish. Outside factors made him cranky. So, part of me thinks a noon game wouldn't be that hard for him to cope with. He might even have fun! We don't want to risk having to leave because he is freaking out, but it would be great if we could make it work to bring him along.
We probably won't try bringing him until October sometime, because PV's dad is coming for the Falcons game, and we aren't going to take any chances with the Packer game. The baby will be 9 months old by then. Does anyone have any ideas for how to help a baby enjoy a loud football game? Any experiences to share?
So, this stinks. If I go to the games, I'll feel bad. If I don't go, I'll feel cheated. What to do? How about this: can I take the baby with me?
Right now, he is 7 1/2 months. He's pretty easygoing. He doesn't fuss or cry much. He likes bright lights and stuff. He wouldn't need a ticket. Sounds good so far.
Our concern is the noise. Every year (every game?) the announcers talk about how visiting teams hate to play in the Metrodome because the noise is outrageous. Maybe all teams say that about their stadiums, I don't know. But I have been there, and it is VERY loud to me. I know lots of people bring babies to Twins games (I have heard, at least), but that is baseball. The game itself is more relaxed and quiet, the fans are a different sort of crowd, and the games rarely sell out, so there are fewer voices to add to the chaos. Football is a whole different world.
PV and I took the baby to a wedding in June, and it was pretty loud (much quieter than a Vikings game, though). We ended up leaving early because he was so upset. However, that was at like 10 at night, and his normal bedtime is 7:00-ish. Outside factors made him cranky. So, part of me thinks a noon game wouldn't be that hard for him to cope with. He might even have fun! We don't want to risk having to leave because he is freaking out, but it would be great if we could make it work to bring him along.
We probably won't try bringing him until October sometime, because PV's dad is coming for the Falcons game, and we aren't going to take any chances with the Packer game. The baby will be 9 months old by then. Does anyone have any ideas for how to help a baby enjoy a loud football game? Any experiences to share?
31.8.07
Loveys
How many of you had a lovey when you were a child? Most people I talk to had a stuffed animal, toy, or blanket that was especially important. I had a blanket. His name was Banky. That is, his name is Banky. I plan to have him until he dissolves entirely (which should happen quite soon, by the look of things).
I don't think many parents have an issue with small children having a lovey. A book I am reading suggests introducing one at nap and bed times to help your baby feel comforted, especially once the baby starts a new schedule (like day care). My son begins daycare Tuesday, so this week we adopted Stripey:
My baby seems to love Stripey, and now he doesn't make a peep when we lay him down to go to sleep, even when he seems energetic. I feel confident that he will handle the transition to daycare well, because he will have a familiar-looking and -smelling companion.
Loveys have an important job of comforting kids. The issue, then, is how long should a child keep a lovey? I know many parents are uncomfortable with a child clinging to a blanket or animal over a certain age, maybe 3 or 4. To these people, I ask why? What's the problem with a kid having an item that comforts him or her?
I suppose for some kids, an extreme attachment to a lovey may interfere with their lives (especially socially). Some parents deal with this by chucking the lovey. I have known parents who threw it out while the kid was at school. What could be more traumatic that coming home and finding out the people you trust and love the most deceived you by destroying the item you trust and love the most? If my parents had done this, I don't think I would have been able to forgive them and trust them again. Instead of throwing loveys away, wouldn't it be better to set up rules of when the child is allowed to hold it? It could be locked up except at bedtime, for example. It seems there must be some way to make it work.
The job of a lovey is to be familiar and make the child feel safe. It reminds the kid of home and family. When going through periods of change (growth, divorce, new siblings, moving, going to school or daycare, losing a pet, etc), the lovey remains a consistent reminder to the child that there are some things that will always be the same, some 'friends' that will always love him or her. Who doesn't need that kind of reminder on a daily basis? I know I still do. So, as a grown up mommy, I admit I still love my Banky and sleep with him every night. You may think I'm weird, but I know I'm not the only one. And he still does his job.
I don't think many parents have an issue with small children having a lovey. A book I am reading suggests introducing one at nap and bed times to help your baby feel comforted, especially once the baby starts a new schedule (like day care). My son begins daycare Tuesday, so this week we adopted Stripey:
My baby seems to love Stripey, and now he doesn't make a peep when we lay him down to go to sleep, even when he seems energetic. I feel confident that he will handle the transition to daycare well, because he will have a familiar-looking and -smelling companion.
Loveys have an important job of comforting kids. The issue, then, is how long should a child keep a lovey? I know many parents are uncomfortable with a child clinging to a blanket or animal over a certain age, maybe 3 or 4. To these people, I ask why? What's the problem with a kid having an item that comforts him or her?
I suppose for some kids, an extreme attachment to a lovey may interfere with their lives (especially socially). Some parents deal with this by chucking the lovey. I have known parents who threw it out while the kid was at school. What could be more traumatic that coming home and finding out the people you trust and love the most deceived you by destroying the item you trust and love the most? If my parents had done this, I don't think I would have been able to forgive them and trust them again. Instead of throwing loveys away, wouldn't it be better to set up rules of when the child is allowed to hold it? It could be locked up except at bedtime, for example. It seems there must be some way to make it work.
The job of a lovey is to be familiar and make the child feel safe. It reminds the kid of home and family. When going through periods of change (growth, divorce, new siblings, moving, going to school or daycare, losing a pet, etc), the lovey remains a consistent reminder to the child that there are some things that will always be the same, some 'friends' that will always love him or her. Who doesn't need that kind of reminder on a daily basis? I know I still do. So, as a grown up mommy, I admit I still love my Banky and sleep with him every night. You may think I'm weird, but I know I'm not the only one. And he still does his job.
27.8.07
Babies at the Fair
Living in St. Paul, I always feel like a tool if I don't make it to the state fair at least once each year. When I was younger, I went every day, and I had a blast. Lately I haven't been going as much, and for this I blame my husband, who doesn't like fairs, carnivals, parades, festivals, or any sort of fun community events.
Now that I am a mother, I wonder if my visits to the fair will increase or decrease. My son is 7 months old right now; I try to imagine what it would be like to have him there. Would it work to push a big stroller around? Would I need to buy a smaller umbrella stroller for the occasion? Would it be better to wear him in the Baby Bjorn? Where will I be able to comfortably breastfeed? Are there kidnappers and careless drunkards about?
And as he grows, will I need to worry about him running off and getting lost? How much should I expect to spend on food, rides, and souvenirs? It is worth all this stress?
Part of me is tempted to swear off the fair because of the hassle. But then I think back to my childhood; every summer, my family took a trip to Valleyfair and the State Fair. I remember looking forward to it all year. We went early in the morning and stayed all day, and the whole family (even my dad, who worked nights) was a part of it. When I think about these things, I am reminded of how much I love the fair.
Shouldn't I try to provide the same fun traditions for my child that my parents had for me and my sister? I feel like I owe him that. And shouldn't I indulge myself once a year and do something special and exciting? It seems to me a lot of what parents do 'for their children' is actually for themselves. But I don't see anything wrong with that. Parents are hard-working people! We deserve special treatment every now and then, so long as we aren't neglecting our responsibilities to our kids.
I guess I convinced myself--I want to go to the fair. I want to go every year. So I guess this brings me back to my original questions: should I use the big stroller, umbrella stroller, or Baby Bjorn? Breastfeeding? Any ideas?
Now that I am a mother, I wonder if my visits to the fair will increase or decrease. My son is 7 months old right now; I try to imagine what it would be like to have him there. Would it work to push a big stroller around? Would I need to buy a smaller umbrella stroller for the occasion? Would it be better to wear him in the Baby Bjorn? Where will I be able to comfortably breastfeed? Are there kidnappers and careless drunkards about?
And as he grows, will I need to worry about him running off and getting lost? How much should I expect to spend on food, rides, and souvenirs? It is worth all this stress?
Part of me is tempted to swear off the fair because of the hassle. But then I think back to my childhood; every summer, my family took a trip to Valleyfair and the State Fair. I remember looking forward to it all year. We went early in the morning and stayed all day, and the whole family (even my dad, who worked nights) was a part of it. When I think about these things, I am reminded of how much I love the fair.
Shouldn't I try to provide the same fun traditions for my child that my parents had for me and my sister? I feel like I owe him that. And shouldn't I indulge myself once a year and do something special and exciting? It seems to me a lot of what parents do 'for their children' is actually for themselves. But I don't see anything wrong with that. Parents are hard-working people! We deserve special treatment every now and then, so long as we aren't neglecting our responsibilities to our kids.
I guess I convinced myself--I want to go to the fair. I want to go every year. So I guess this brings me back to my original questions: should I use the big stroller, umbrella stroller, or Baby Bjorn? Breastfeeding? Any ideas?
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