In Defense of Breastfeeding

I am not going to spend too much time on this topic, because I feel like it has been discussed over and over by many experts. I only have a few new things to add to the dialogue.

I have yet to meet a person who thinks breastfeeding is bad. I think it is mostly agreed upon that if people can and want to, they should do it. I don't need to cite the benefits--you can read about them on your own if you are unaware. What I would like to talk about is the shame, guilt, and stigma associated with breastfeeding and what I think needs to happen to make this supposedly wonderful process actually wonderful.

I have been pretty lucky in my ability to breastfeed. I have had a few problems, but mostly things are going smoothly. I haven't faced much discrimination about my choice, either. But I know I am a minority in this, and that most women have many horror stories to share. My experiences are pretty tame, but I think they provide some insight.

The majority of mothers will tell you that their bodies are no longer their own. We are not the sleek, sexy, pure, holy figures you see on the pages of magazines. We are beds, shields, Kleenexes, incubators, and toys. I no longer consider my breasts sexual objects (maybe someday that will return). However, I know that most people, especially strangers who don't know I am nursing, would still consider them that way. I am not saying the whole world thinks I'm sexy, I just mean boobs are boobs. The other night, I went to a club for a friend's bachelorette party. By the end of the night, my right side had grown well past a D cup, while my left side held strong at a B/C. I stuck close to my friends and tried to not expose myself more than I had to, but still I got strange looks from lots of men. What could I say? Should I have to make excuses for my misshapen chest? Who gives them the right to look at and judge my body, anyway? Just because I am in a club doesn't mean I want to be objectified. The only male my body is meant to please now is my son.

In the same vein, I have some trouble with my appearance at work. I teach high school, and I try to dress professionally (or at least not sexy). But since my chest changes size during the day, it is hard to anticipate how a shirt will fit by 2:30 when I get dressed at 6:30. Some things look fine, but end up pretty tight in the chest or more low-cut than I would have thought. I have had minimal trouble with leaking during the day, but I still wear pads just in case. Sometimes, if I am having a particularly productive (milk-wise) day, you can see the little circles of the pads through my shirt. What to do? Again, should I have to feel ashamed and apologetic for the natural side effects of what most would consider to be a good and selfless choice? Fortunately, nobody at work has complained, but I am blessed to work at an enlightened school.

Since I work full time, I have to pump twice daily at work in order to remain comfortable and produce enough milk for my son. At my school, all teachers have keys to one another's rooms. So, in addition to wearing a nursing cover and locking my door, I have to post signs warning people not to come in. Still, in the 11 weeks I worked before summer break came, I was walked in on by the man who does our tech support once and on another unfortunate instance, the man who teaches phys ed, who was accompanied by two sixth grade boys. What else can I do? It didn't so much embarrass me, but I know they all felt horribly humiliated. I spent a long time feeling ashamed and apologetic (though I laughed it off to make everyone feel OK about it). I would like to just put a sign up that says, "I am pumping breast milk--I need privacy," but then I would feel bad exposing the high schoolers to the idea of breasts (mine, nonetheless). Should I have to feel bad about pumping at work, or about being open about it with people under the age of 18? Probably not. But that's the way it is in our society.

These are some of the issues I have had with breastfeeding (or at least the ones I am willing to share here in detail). I have had situations where I needed to feed my baby and I had to do it in front of others. I felt like some kind of leper. People stopped noticing me and talking to me, and it took a while to recover, even once I was done. Now, why do people have issues with breastfeeder? My theory is that only a few people have issues with it. Those people are probably just uncomfortable with nudity. And most of us hide under blankets rather than just whip out nipples, but the very idea that there is a nipple there freaks them out. I can't blame people for that. I do have a sub-theory that men in particular hate to see it, because it forces them to see breasts as something other than sexual, despite the fact that the only reason they are attracted to breasts in the first place is because of leftover feelings of comfort and affection from when they were breastfed as babies. Chicken/Omelet.

Other than those few people, I really think most people don't have issues with breastfeeding mothers. I am a big advocate of public breastfeeding (despite the fact that I rarely do it), but I still am not sure what to do when I encounter other mothers doing it. Usually I look out of interest, or even solidarity, until I am caught. Then, I look away awkwardly. These poor women probably assume I am judging them. So, people like me are probably being added to the pile of disapproving onlookers. The numbers are probably skewed. A bunch of the people who supposedly are against public breastfeeding are really just curious.

The group of people with issues against public breastfeeding is probably fewer than many think. However, this is a big issue for those of us who are making this choice. We need some changes. Here are my suggestions:

1. If you have a problem with public breastfeeding, try not to be offended by it. We do it because we are trying to make the best choice we can for our children. It isn't about you. We are not trying to bother you. You don't have to look if you don't want to. Please try not to make us feel uncomfortable, because chances are, we are much more sensitive about the issue than you are.

2. If you are a breastfeeding woman, stay strong. Do what you think is best for you and your kid, but don't be purposely in the faces of bystanders.

3. If you are a business owner/manager, set up a comfortable place for us to nurse. Some places have nice family rest-rooms with lounges for nursing. Others expect us to use our cars or a bathroom stall. I would rather sit down in the middle of a store and feed my son than take him into a disgusting bathroom stall and feed him. Nobody would expect a man to eat a hot dog at the urinal. I will not allow my baby to eat his food on a public toilet.

4. If you are a member of modern American society, get over your image of women. We are more than sexual objects. We are not lesser people, whether or not we have kids. Our opinions matter, our needs matter, and we are important. Does anyone really think breastfeeding would be an issue if men were the ones who did it? There would be nursing rooms in every store and laws to protect the rights of nursing dads. Prove me wrong. Women need to be given respect, and motherhood and nursing need to be given honor, freedom and acceptance.