Octogenarian Strangers Know Best

(This is a guest post by Pacifist Viking, Cruelty-Free Mommy's husband and Fox's father. Occasionally I'll chime in with a guest post).

Let's set some context for this tale of woe and horror. I haven't been a parent very long, and I know it; there's a lot I don't know. When my experienced family and friends tell me things about babies and/or parenting, I listen, because I know that they know things I don't know and should know. I'm not arrogant and I'm not resistent to parenting advice.

Today, a mild day with a very light and occasional breeze, I took Fox on a walk. When we go on walks (which is frequent), he is covered from the back, both sides, and the top. We make sure he is comfortable, not too hot or cold, and we protect his skin and eyes from the sun.

I walked past an old woman sweeping leaves. She started asking about my baby, so I stopped to show him to her.

"Don't let him get wind in his ears. He'll get an ear ache," she said.

"That's what I always told my kids. Don't let a baby get wind in his ears, because he can't tell you it hurts," she said. "He'll just pull on his ear."

"If you were my little baby, I'd have a hat on you when I took you out," she said.

"I just hate to see babies get ear aches, because they can't tell you it hurts," she said.

She actually said all of these things. At first, I thought she was just being chatty. By the end, I think it was obvious she was being judgmental. I suspect she probably called her friends to talk about the horrible parent walking his son around on a 70 degree summer day with no hat to cover his ears.

I really don't know whether it is true that babies get ear aches if they are exposed to wind (it's possible, but it sounds like an old myth. At any rate, Fox was burrowed pretty deep in his infant stroller, and could hardly be considered exposed to any strong wind). I do know that babies often spend time outside. We spend a lot of time outside with Fox, usually on walks, and he rarely acts fussy afterward (actually, our son is incredibly mild mannered and usually quite happy and smily. He is rarely fussy as long as he is getting some sort of attention). I also know that knowledge of babies changes very quickly: when I was a baby parents were taught to put their babies to sleep on their stomachs, and today parents are taught to put their babies to sleep on their backs.

The point is, as a young parent that is completely unknown to this old woman, I don't need her judgment. Her homespun advice about wind and ear aches might be helpful; her passive aggressive insults are not. There is a great deal of useful information about childrens' health easily available to young parents today (from the hospital, books, magazines, the internet, friends with children, our own parents, etc.). I'll happily listen to her advice, but when I'm taking my child out for a pleasant, peaceful, healthy walk on a beautiful summer day, I really don't need her judgmental tone disapproving of my child's exposure to wind.

At what point are strangers out of line to vocally cast their judgment on parents? And how should parents respond to these judgments?