(This is a guest post by Pacifist Viking)
Are you aware that millions of adults are consistently, repeatedly lying to children? That there is a massive conspiracy among adults to convince kids to believe lies that adults themselves do not believe? This conspiracy of serial dishonesty and deception against our children is largely accepted by the mass media, corporations, consumers, and parents. In fact, many parents are participating in this conspiracy of spreading lies used to manipulate the behavior of children.
If you feel children are not ready to be exposed to the sinister reality of this conspiracy, this is the time to make sure no children are looking at the screen. I am now ready to expose these lies.
There is no Santa Claus.
There is no Easter Bunny.
There is no Tooth Fairy.
No reasonable adult believes in a fat man living at the North Pole with a team of elves and reindeer helping him fly around the world to break into our homes. No reasonable adult believes there are rabbits that lay eggs and bring candy to children. And while some reasonable adults do believe in fairies, I am aware of no reasonable adult that believes in a fairy that pays children for their teeth.
And yet many people considered good parents do tell their children these lies. And if I attempted to tell children the truth about the non-existence of Santa Claus, The Easter Bunny, or the Tooth Fairy, parents would be incredibly angry at me. Even as we teach our children the virtue of honesty, even as we teach them to tell the truth, parents lie to them about the existence of these beings that parents themselves do not believe in. This isn't a lie of omission either (we don't have to explain the realities of sex to children, and we should probably wait until they are older before allowing them to understand the realities of atrocities like genocide or war); it's a deliberate, active lie.
I don't wish to ask my son to believe in anything that I know not to be true. This doesn't mean his life will not be filled with wonder (the world is full of amazing phenomena). This doesn't mean I'll discourage belief in the supernatural (indeed, as I want to believe in the supernatural, I don't see anything wrong with teaching children to believe). We'll still have Santa et al., but as a game that we talk about as pretend.
Is it cruel to abstain from teaching our child to believe in Santa? We're not preventing him from fun, gifts, or wonder: we will do everything we can to make Christmas a special and mystical experience for him. Perhaps we're saving him from existential doubt in the future ("If there's no Santa, does that mean there's no God, either?").
At any rate, he doesn't seem to mind. Today I explained to our six-month old that there's no Santa, Easter Bunny, or Tooth Fairy, and he laughed at me. He seemed to take the news very well.
But this is a chance for discussion. My tone through most of this post was intended to be playful satire, not judgmental lecture. What do you think? Are there good reasons for teaching children to believe in mystical creatures we know don't exist? I would like to hear different opinions on why children should or should not grow up believing in Santa.
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About Me
- Cruelty-Free Mommy
- I am a mother who is suddenly finding that she knows it all and MUST SHARE WITH OTHERS! I have two sons (one born 1.07 and one due 4.09), a husband, a sweet doggie and a fiesty cat. Most of my days are spent with my family, reading, going for walks, visiting free local places, and watching movies. In my spare time, I teach high school English. I am a lutheran pacifist vegetarian who tries very hard to influence others without being a pushy jerk.
7 comments:
I would like to add that although there are many people who are probably going to judge us as mean parents for withholding the joy of Santa and his cohort, those same people would probably not judge the multitude of families who don't practice the tradition of Santa due to religious differences. The kids in those families grow up to be perfectly happy, well-sdjusted people. So shall ours.
You hit the nail on the head when you mentioned the idea of pretend. I do believe child needs that, the freedom to pretend whatever they want.
The difficulty comes with choosing what is, and is not, a damaging 'lie.'
You aren't going to correct him when he creates a rocket out of a pencil. You wouldn't consider that a 'lie.'
There is no proof of God or heaven, but you don't consider that a 'lie.'
I don't think there is any particular advantage, or disadvantage, in raising your child to believe in Santa.
My pet peeve is the pretend violence. I try to discourage the, 'I shot you. You're dead.' type play and all that entails.
What is wrong with letting kids imagine things? What is wrong with dreaming? Kids grow up so fast, let them be kids and have things to dream about and think about. It seems we are in a hurry to make them hardend to the world, it will happen soon enough.
Let a child get wide eyed at Santa Claus. It will not hurt them to have some things to dream about.
Some adults want their kids to have facts only and not allow them to explore. Some of your writings have led me to believe you would let your child make up his own mind, yet you are making it up for him.
Hypoctite!!!!!
Don't mistake my not telling my child Santa exists with an attempt to harden him, or hide him from wonder. We try to share wonder with him all the time: there's a lot of it in the world. I want him to explore and be amazed and have fantasies and dreams. I'm not sure I want to tell him something I know for certain isn't true. I don't know if there's a God, but there might be (I hope there is), and so I want to teach him to believe there's a God. I want him to be amazed at nature, at the sky, at animals, and people. We can talk about ghosts and fairies and mysteries. And we'll still have Santa, for fun, for pretend. Wonder? We'll watch the Wizard of Oz and read stories about crazy creatures and wild adventures.
And I don't think people are bad for teaching kids to believe in Santa, either. The harsh tone in the post was meant to be joking. I'm really trying to ask what people think, and have a dialogue about it.
As this topic is being debated, I have been reflecting on my childhood. It is true that when I first found out there was no Santa, I immediately began to wonder if Jesus was a lie, too (I didn't know then that there is historical proof of his existence--I was SO relieved when I finally learned that). Now, this jump in my thinking probably happened because it was a kid at church during rehearsal of the Christmas program who told me. And I don't blame him; I was a rather immature child, and we were at the age where it would be a surprise to anyone that I still believed.
Looking back, I can't recall a single situation where my mom told me Santa (or any of the others) was real. We had stockings, but the had small things and candy in them. The presents all came from Mom and Dad and Suki and Toby (the pets). We never went to see Santa at the mall or anything like that. And when my sister started to doubt the tooth fairy, and she asked our mom directly if she existed, mom told her the truth.
Could it be that my mother never told us about Santa et al, but just let us believe what we heard in society? I honestly think that might be what happened. I guess I could ask her, but I know she's sleeping already, and I feel like posting this now. So you readers shall all remain in suspense.
Anyway, the point is this: is it okay for a parent to not promote Santa, not push Santa or play him up to the kids, and just let the kids believe what they want based on what they hear from people outside the home? If so, is it okay for the parent to be honest if the kids asks directly whether it is true? Does age make a difference?
I really felt sure about this before, and now I am starting to waver. I would like advice so I can make a decision that will be best for my son.
I don't think you need to worry about damaging your son no matter what you choose.
What you described growing up is similar to most people, most likely. I know it is in my case, I found my parents stash of presents, and they fessed up. I have no recollection of the discovery being hurtful.
Age doesn't really matter, if your child is old enough to ask, they are probably old enough to understand the answer.
As adults, we have a skepticism of Santa because of the rampant consumerism connected with Christmas. And to a lesser degree, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny. But to a child, he isn't any different than a singing cat, or the idea that your house could be transported to a magical land by a tornado, or a good ghost story on Halloween.
From what I've read of your household, I doubt he will develop that ugly behavior of entitlement and selfish greed, we as adults, to often see in children during Christmas time.
My husband and I have this discussion often: he wants his child to be scientific and logical, and he plans to tell him the truth, even if that means telling him that unicorns don't, and never did, exist. I, on the other hand, believe childhood is the time for such magic and imagination--once you lose it, you never regain it--and I think the more parents allow their children to be creative and imaginative and to believe in magic, the happier and more creative they will be as adults.
If you choose to eliminate certain ridiculous and/or secular lies, that's a different issue. But this is the question I ask my husband during our debates: If a childhood full of truth and logic is what made you unable to enjoy reading fiction, or seeing fantastic films, or ever enjoying Christmas (Travis is a notorious grinch) then what did you really gain from all that truth?
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