Aunts and Uncles

There has been some discussion in my house and among some friends about who deserves the titles of aunt and uncle. I seem to throw it around willy nilly. All my friends are Aunt Becky, Auntie Kristin, Aunt Stacy, etc. This has caused some confusion for people, who then ask if said "aunt" is my sister or my husband's. I don't mind this, but I think some people feel a more traditional use of the title is appropriate.

When I was very young, I didn't realize there was a difference between my mom's and dad's siblings and their spouses; they were all aunts and uncles. Now, I know that sometimes those couples split up, and one has the potential to disappear. Is one an aunt or uncle only if there is no risk of them dropping out of the family?

I also give the title to the boyfriends and girlfriends of the true aunts and uncles. They are, after all, filling the role of aunt or uncle, for the time being. And there is potential for them to really become the aunt or uncle (as is the case with Uncle Jon, who just proposed to Aunt Jacque--yay!). Of course, there is also the possibility of a break up.

We also have to consider step-families (aunts, uncles, brothers, parents, grandparents). In my life, I tried my best to consider them truly to be family (in most cases), but that was more difficult. If someone joins your life when you are at a certain maturity level, it is practically impossible to overcome the natural boundaries, especially if you have emotional issues.

So, what is an aunt? What is an uncle? Does blood make a difference, or are love and commitment the important ingredients? I like to think my family has room for anyone who wants to be a member. But when you have kids, you need to reassess your actions and their effects on the little ones. Is it going to confuse a child to grow up hearing "Uncle Abe," only to realize at age 12 that Uncle Abe is just some dude who we call uncle, and not really an uncle at all? The terms aunt and uncle, for a little kid, are supposed to serve a purpose of helping them grasp what a family is and how it operates.

Also, if someone is not a permanent member of the family, is it fair to a child to use the title, knowing they could go away? Are we then teaching kids that a family is a group of people who love each other for now? If uncle Brad disappears for a year, could Daddy do the same? Children should know that a family is forever, connected by bonds that cannot be broken.

So, what to do? I am sure I am over-thinking this, but I am curious to know what others think and how they use the title.